Shenanigans and Other Such Tales
by Beansxx
Summary: In which a lot of pot is smoked, and hilarity ensues.  M for drug use


WARNING: Drug use. if the concept of smoking marijuana makes you shit your pants with rage, please turn a blind eye and go read some delicious gay stories.

So yeah, this is the first chapter of a random series about Kingdom Hearts characters smoking weed, based on comics I found on 4chan one day. Because they're kind of really hilarious. Like i said, if drug use offends you, please close your eyes and block your ears and hum a happy tune.

Love y'alls.

000

Roxas loved being home alone. Sora was somewhere with Riku and Kairi, mom and dad were on vacation in Mexico, and the house was quiet. Spacious. No one could bother him. That was why, with great anticipation, he opened his closet door and wrapped his fingers gently around the shaft of his favorite toy, his little glass baby, his most prized possession which he had so fondly named Oblivion...

A bong. His bong. He had eyes only for this expensive onyx beauty tonight, eyeing the mouth piece hungrily, eager to use her until he couldn't even walk.

He opened his window and closed the curtains, setting the bong down on his desk. He cleared the area of papers, pulling a sandwich bag from his pocket. He pulled out a good-sized nug of the marijuana inside, reaching down and pulling a grinder from a drawer, breaking up the weed, and pressing it down in between the miniature steel pillars. He put the cap on and, applying some pressure, began to twist it. It took only a minute or two, but it still took far too long, and when he finished he unscrewed the bottom of the grinder, getting up and going to the bathroom to put fresh water in the bong before packing the slider with a good amount of finely-ground weed. He took a lighter from his pocket as he then went over to his bed, sitting on it cross-legged before opening the laptop that sat charging on top of the blue down comforter, booting it up while he placed his mouth over the end of the bong's long shaft and lighting a corner of the slider. He held the slider's tiny glass handle with his free hand whilst balancing the bong on his knee, inhaling until the entire glass chamber was filled with perfect white smoke.

He pulled out the slider and ripped the bong like a pro. It was a long, deep breath, and Roxas could have cried as the taste of the illegal narcotic invaded his entire being as he held his breath until he had to convince himself to breathe. He exhaled smoothly without coughing like the badass that he was, and instantly his head felt heavy. His face felt fuzzy and warm. His eyes felt itchy. He was sliding ever so steadily into the high, leaning back against his headboard and letting warmth spread from the tips of his ears all the way down to his fingers and toes.

He eventually leaned forward and took a hit as manly as the first, surfing the web all the while for funny pictures to giggle at, until half his bowl pack was gone and he was baked as all holy wow. He sat back, staring at a picture of a horse making a funny face as his stomach began to scream at him.

"_Munchies...munchies..."_ his brain whispered.

"_You want Taco Bell."_ his stomach told him.

"_Munchies...munchies...munchies..."_

"_Feed me Taco Bell, asshole!"_

"_Munchies..."_

"_Put Taco Bell inside of me."_

Staring at the ceiling and listening to his stomach nag him about putting some Taco Bell in his mouth, the idea started sounding awesome.

"Alright." he muttered, placing his bong on the floor. He slid off the bed and ambled slowly to the door, grabbing his hoodie and slipping into his sneakers. He left his house and headed down the street, and was soon on his way to find the Holy Grail: Taco Bell.

Several minutes and many bacon-y thoughts later, he arrived at his destination, the holy purple bell a beacon of light for lost souls. He bypassed the doors and went around to the drive-thru, approaching the speaker. He looked at the menu. Nothing on the menu registered in his brain. Smirking stupidly, he gazed distantly at the lit up board at all the delicious food. Words meant nothing.

"_Try a Herp Dong!_" exclaimed a little side panel. He scanned the menu.

"_Herp...darp...flerp derp...derp...ding dong...kid's meal..._" the sign read, with the prices right next to the displayed items.

Finally, the speaker startled him out of his decision-making with a static-y sound.

"Welcome to Taco Derp,can I take your order?" asked a disembodied voice, and Roxas' smirk spread into a smile.

"Yeah, I'll take a girl stuff bacon burrtango with with bacon, please. Also a seen a minute twisty, extra bacon, and I'll have some bacon, please. Widdly scuds..."

"..."

Roxas stared at the speaker. There was no response.

He continued to stare.

No response.

Finally,

"...Widdly scuds?" asked the speaker, sounding deeply confused.

Roxas stared at the speaker.

"...What?" he chuckled.

Later, in the parking lot, Roxas sat down on the grass in front of a parking space with his purchase. He unwrapped a burrito and stared at it for a moment. It was..._beautiful_. He brought it to his lips and took a bite.

It brought a tear to his eye.

He smiled.

"_Bacon paradise_..."

000

So. Friggin'. Like I said. I read this comic that I got from 4chan, and I lol'd so hard at it multiple times that I just had to write this. The events in this story are 100 percent completely true, but I replaced the original stick figure subject with Roxas, and added a bit of sexual innuendo at the beginning. The comic itself starts with the guy ripping the bong, getting high, and walking to Taco Bell.

Obviously this is a story, so it's a little different, but not by much. Most of the dialogue is not mine. Comic not mine. Kingdom Hearts not mine. etc.


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